tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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