Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
