I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
