so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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