dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize