Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
