i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
