She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize