you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
