fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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