at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
