Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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