oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
