My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
