Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
