You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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