Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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