so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
