sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
