dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
