I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
