my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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