So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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