The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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