I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
