a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize