I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
