Your face is a jimmy john
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
