dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
