no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
