I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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