But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
