We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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