Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
