So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
