If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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