I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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