in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
