things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
