i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
