i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
