her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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