The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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