i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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