I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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