Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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