woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
