before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
