He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
