so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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