she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
