I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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