The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
