Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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