I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
