Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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