i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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