i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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