Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
