No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
