I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
