He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
