I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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