So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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