3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
