I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
