i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
