mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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