Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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