Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
