shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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