Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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