nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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