He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
