they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Where is the hickey?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
