just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
