I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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