you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
MIDGETS
????
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
