Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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