all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
