We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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