Apparently you make a good broom.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
