The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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