Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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