Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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