i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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